How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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