OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
and you fell through a lawn chair
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
