Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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