Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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