I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
