So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Come on in and take your pants off
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