I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
