I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i came on her dog
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize