You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
