Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
