You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
