Yo dont text me then not text me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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