is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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