i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
how does that bad decision feel?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
