Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
