I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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