bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
