I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
