IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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