ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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