i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
