Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
