Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
