ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
