Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
