So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
