Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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