i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
