Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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