i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
