i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
