The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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