it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
