Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
