and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
