all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
