Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I looked at my own cervix.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
