did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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