They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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