For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize