we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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