I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
