More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
