i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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