I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
