No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
