when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
