that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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