what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
