this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
