No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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