OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
