Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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