Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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