you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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