I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
