And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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