drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
