i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
