what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
