I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
