There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
