alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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